…I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
W. E. Henley
Sunday, 18 December 2022
Ali, how long have you been in Slovenia waiting for your asylum documents?
Five years.
What changes do you see on yourself in these five years?
The way I look at the world has changed. The reasons are connected to the things that were happening in my country of birth Iran. I was confused and lost. One change I see is also the feeling for a need to find a more humane view of the world.
What are the reasons that made you move from your country?
The main reason is suffering. I felt it because I wanted to do certain things and I could not, I was not allowed to do certain things and also felt fear to do them.
Can you tell me an example that affected yourself?
I bought myself some special kind of clothes. One was a rap baggy pink T-shirt. Arriving home I had a fear to wear it. My father said he did not like it.
Why did you decide to buy yourself a rap baggy pink T-shirt that your father did not like?
This was my interest, the design on the T-shirt and also the rap baggy style. I liked it. When I bought it, I put it for two weeks in my closet. Then we had a family party, and I decided to wear the T-shirt. I decided to fight the fear. My father made me change it than I was allowed to go to the party. I did not know it then but I know now that this is a basic freedom attribute. If you are not free to choose your own clothes, then you are not free to do many other things.
Were there other reasons for leaving Iran?
There are political and cultural reasons too. A lot of things are connected to violence. I felt myself dragged into this world of violence and I was confused and suffered a lot. Because of the political system, we have in Iran, the violence has been normalised. This has been done mostly by man, not women. Violence spreads everywhere if you do not fight it. Nowadays women are fighting violence in Iran. I was a child and a teenager when I was confronted with violence and I suffered. Now I am happy I am here in Slovenia, getting away from those things.
Do you know Greatness?
I felt Greatness before.
Do you want to be Great?
I know, I have to be Great, I want to do Great things.
You have to be Great or you want to be Great?
Of course I want to be Great.
Why?
Because Great is Great. I have been somewhere, that is not Great, do not want to go there anymore.
Do you feel accepted and do you feel free in Slovenia?
Slovenia does not have such problems as in Iran. I feel more accepted and more free here. I still do not have a place on my own, because I still live in the refugee camp.
Are you connected with the women revolution in Iran?
I write poetry, and I publish it on social media. I am happy that a big revolution is happening in Iran on the basis of women rights and freedom. I have seen a lot of violence against women and children in my life.
How do you see yourself in the photos that we did together?
Absolutely I wanted to be the best in the photos. I think I am the best in most of them. I do not like one or two of them.
Which ones you do not like?
The ones that I am trying to be angry. Because it reminds me of violence. Every time I get angry, I normalize violence in myself. I am sensitive about violence. It awakes demons inside of me and I do not like it.
Do you feel anger inside of yourself?
I feel broken. (Pause.) Yes, I feel angry. When I am angry, I try to be alone and think about it.
Do you see yourself sometimes that anger takes control and you do things that you do not like?
Yes, I do. I break my phone for example. I put my anger out.
Anger is just something that hides sadness. How do you experience sadness?
As I said I feel broken. My heart is not free. I am not in a safe situation right now. I still do not have the permission to stay in Slovenia. This makes me also angry. Besides when I think about my childhood and the suffering I faced, I get angry too.
Do you look at your past and sometimes feel sad?
Yes, I feel sad when I look at my past.
Do you look sometimes at your past and feel afraid?
Yes. I feel afraid. I am thinking to do something about it. I express myself through poetry and photography.
Why do you look at your past?
Not everything was bad. In those times I also felt strength. I was thinking about myself: I will one day overcome my suffering and write about it. I saw myself in the future being successful. I had a wish in those days to change the world. And that is something that made me feel great despite the problems I have had in my life. That is something I still like. Today I know more about spirituality, one’s soul, human abilities… and I understand more about my past. I wish to be more stable, to remove the confusion and uncertainty about my asylum so that I can write more poetry and stories. Maybe publish a book one day.
Ali, what do you think about friendship? Do you have friends?
Unfortunately not. I have been isolating myself lately.
Why?
I had friends during school. But I was not successful. I pleased everybody to have their friendship. Now is my time for thinking how to get true friendship.
Right now you are in a cleaning and growing process.
Yes.
I wish you to find good and truthful friends in Slovenia.
Thanks. I think this process will start for me when I get a place on my own and I stop living in refugee camp. I think I will get more calm, achieve more balance and will be able to make friends.
