Monday, 23 January 2023
Interview Adriana
If I wanted to understand you, what would I need to know about you and about your life that has shaped you so far?
It's difficult to put into words, but I believe that we are continually shaped and transformed throughout our lives if we remain open to new experiences. Our childhood experiences lay a significant foundation, and growing up in a dysfunctional family played a large role in how I navigated my sensitive nature.
What happened to your sensitivity in childhood?
As a sensitive child, I absorbed many things from my environment, and the patterns and relationships formed in my family led to my own insecurities later in life. However, my desire to help others accompanied me throughout, and I realized, while studying social pedagogy, that I needed to clear things up within myself and rise above personal processes in order to help others effectively. Creative outlets like dance, drawing, and theater helped me express my inner processes non-verbally, and through education and gestalt therapy, I began to become aware of and change deeply rooted patterns in myself. For me it is all the more important to be sensitive and try to help each other, to be open and to judge as little as possible in the future.
I have many questions. You mentioned the personal processes you are facing. Can you mention one such process?
One personal process I've been facing is a lack of clear personal boundaries with others. I have tended to focus on the well-being of others at the expense of my own needs and desires, even into adulthood. I've tried to please others in order to receive validation from the outside, but this has caused me to feel like I couldn't be my true self and could be left alone if I didn't please others.
Is what you are saying related to fear of abandonment?
This has to do with the idea that if you don't please, people might not like you. And you stay alone.
Who did you please more, mom or dad?
All the people I cared about.
How did your people-pleasing manifest in your childhood, if you could describe it from today's perspective? Do you have a picture of when you know for yourself that you have pleased?
This people-pleasing behavior manifested in my childhood as pretending that everything was fine, even when it wasn't, in order to avoid conflict or protect others from my own plight. I wanted to balance what was happening and minimize hurt as much as possible, even if it meant hurting myself in the process.
Do you think that you took on the responsibilities of adults and tried to balance things yourself in a direction where there would be as few injured people as possible?
Yes, my priority has always been to minimize the damage caused by conflicts. However, even when striving for this ideal, there is inevitably hurt involved.
Did you hurt yourself then?
As a child, I was not aware of this and simply wanted everyone to be happy and for our family to be harmonious. But as I grew older, I came to realize that I often found myself smoothing over relationships and avoiding speaking my truth.
How did you manage the relationships around you?
In my efforts to smooth the relationships around me, I focused on sharing my love with those who were hurt.
When you talk about sharing your love, are you really talking about your attention, your affection, your time?
To me, this was a tangible expression of caring and empathy that could help alleviate some of the pain that others were experiencing.
Adriana, what is love for you?
To me, love is a universal force that is both around us and within us. It is the greatest beauty that we can accept and pass on.
Is love visible or invisible?
It is invisible but can be clearly visible through our actions.
The Persian poet Rumi said that work is visible love. What do you think about his view of love?
I believe that our talents and gifts can be expressed through love, and when we do something that makes us happy, we are following our path and loving ourselves.
Very nice. There is a lot of truth in what you say. Have you found your mission?
I think I have.
Can you describe your mission?
In my teaching work, I strive to give space to others to be who they are and enable them to express themselves. By fostering mutual understanding and acceptance, I hope to empower others to make positive changes and achieve self-realization.
To reiterate, do you act in a way that aligns with your true feelings and allows others to do the same?
I strive to do so. However, it all starts with accepting and understanding myself first. I need to recognize my strengths, weaknesses, needs, dislikes, and areas where I need improvement. Only then can I be completely honest with myself and consequently with others.
Do you fully accept yourself?
Yes, I do. I also accept my flaws, such as procrastinating or not always trusting myself. At times, I may feel like I don't like myself, but overall, I do accept and love myself.
How do you demonstrate self-love?
I show myself love by listening to my inner voice and allowing myself to engage in activities that nourish my soul, such as socializing, attending concerts, reading books, being creative, and traveling. In order to listen and be heard, I must first be honest with myself. By being truthful with myself, I can also be more sincere with others.
It seems like honesty and sincerity are important values to you.
Yes, that's correct. Honesty is a strong virtue that I hold for myself, and sincerity is a trait that I highly value in others.
What does it mean to be honest?
Being honest means having the ability to express yourself, stating what you think, feel and experience, while also being careful with the way you communicate your message. Unfortunately, we don't learn enough about communication, even though we do it from birth until death. If more attention was given to teaching mutual communication, many conflicts and dissatisfaction could be avoided. Clear communication allows us to articulate what has bothered us, be vulnerable, and express our experiences. With this, we can improve many things, without the interlocutor feeling attacked or defensive. This also eliminates power plays.
You mentioned earlier that as a child, you were pleasant and pretended not to feel distress. Did this experience influence your understanding of honesty as a strong virtue and value in yourself?
Yes, my experiences, including my childhood, have shaped who I am today, including my understanding of honesty as a virtue and a value.
How do you see yourself in the photos we created together?
Regarding the photos we created together, some of them express emotions, movements, vulnerability, and strength that I notice in myself. Others didn't turn out as I had hoped, and if I see in the photo that I am not relaxed, my face shows it. I don't mind irregularities, like my tooth sticking out or my arm hair being visible, but I do care about the overall expression.
It's hard to talk about yourself, especially when you're looking at yourself in a photo. I am grateful to you for accepting my questions and answering them. Last question. If you were given the chance to travel back in time to tell young Adriana something, what would you tell her?
If I were given the chance to travel back in time to tell young Adriana something, I wouldn't need to. What happened is in the past, and what matters to me is where I am now and what lies ahead. Through the gestalt therapy workshop, I have already communicated my feelings to my younger self, hugged her, told her to love and protect herself. I've already done that, and now I'm here, feeling pretty great.
You are really great. Thanks for the interview.
Thank you.